...Cuz a Bed BUG PARTY DON'T STOP!
Now Bed Bugs aren't usually the kind of thing you scream from the roof top, because they're gross and they're in your bed while you sleep...EWWW just thinking about it makes me itch. I want to inform the masses of what getting bed bugs is like for the average brooklynaire so here's my life as a BBS (bed bug survivor).
1. I didn't get bites (because I have super strong skin...TRUTH) my roomy did, sorry K you're skin isn't as strong as mine. Bites are just itchy and red and can literally look like any type of bug bite.
2. We found out our neighbor had them which allowed us to call and make our landlord take IMMEDIATE action. I strongly suggest finding anyone to blame but yourself not only does it make you feel better about it, but your wallet will be so in love you'll need to get a restraining order. You hear me wallet you stay away.
3. When the exterminator says bag everything up, he means EVERYTHING. I didn't know this. I bagged up soft things like blankets and my Beanie Baby collection, haha, just kidding I don't have that (yesidoandi'llmakemillions) So the exterminator shows up and is like, "senorita, when I say bag everything, I mean EVARRRYTHING." (it's hard to spell a spanish accent but say it with an accent when you read it allowed to your friends.) This led to me frantically stuffing everything I own in plastic bags.
The plastic bags suffocate the little chompers and you have to keep your shit in a bag for 5 days (at least).
4. Another thing that can kill them is heat so I bagged up everything I could wash and headed to my favorite local hot spot for some good ol' washin and dryin. Tip: The owners of the laundromat will want to stop you from putting your clothes in the dryer for 2 hours on high. They're afraid you'll ruin your clothes and blame them. To make them stop yelling at you in Chinese calmly whisper "I have beg bugs, I need to kill them" to their English speaking son. He will then frantically translate this to his parents and they'll slowly back away shaking their heads until they dart away at a full sprint screaming "NOOOO". Nobody wants to hangout with a bed bugged bitch. I also suggest telling creepy guys at bars, they'll slowly back away shaking their heads until they dart away at a full sprint screaming "NOOOO". (too good to be said just once)
5. After the nice man with the spray comes and you sleep on an bare mattress for 5 days shivering bc your jammies are bagged away and you can't remember which unmarked bag their in, you're CURED!...maybe not, some peeps need to get sprayed again, we don't thank god, either that or we've just learned to live them and K's developed my alligator like skin.
No photos this time...it's for your own good.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
I went to the Gym
Sorry Blog, I didn't mean to ignore you for so long but a beez gets busy every once in a while. (it's not once AND a while is it?) Google?
So while I was off flying around the united states and staying in fancy smancy hotels (seriously you should see my stolen slipper collection/how many little toiletries I have...
It's a lot.
ANYWAYS, A lot's happened in my life this past month I can't wait to share some of the stories (face Tatt0o?) but for now I'll tell you about my trip to the gym. As most of you know I enjoy a good half hour to an hour of not exercising so when I go to the G-Y-M I need to make it count. So I wore my fancy new NIKE (namedropper) gear and headed straight to the tread-mills. They were too crowded, which means there wasn't one available all by itself in an empty room which is how I prefer to sweat while my ladies (boobs) hurt from gravity. fuckin gravity. So I'm like, "hey! I'll sit and peddle, that'll be easy I bet I can do that for HOURS!"
..7 mintues later I trick myself into thinking I'm in Yoga class shape.
I'd like to say something about men who are super good at yoga. You're creepy. I'm never in my yoga class and saying "Wow look at the position that guy got his leg into...his knee is touching his forehead while he's balancing on one arm! I HEAR WEDDING BELLS!"
Gross, a LEAN MEAN YOGA MACHI- nope, doesn't work, you're limber like a lady and I ain't into that. And sorry if there are women who are, you might be a lady liker...just think about it you might realize something about yourself.
Moral: I should go to the gym/write this blog more. It benefits everyone. Because the better I look, the better I look, and the better I look, the famouser (notaword) I'll be.
So while I was off flying around the united states and staying in fancy smancy hotels (seriously you should see my stolen slipper collection/how many little toiletries I have...
It's a lot.
ANYWAYS, A lot's happened in my life this past month I can't wait to share some of the stories (face Tatt0o?) but for now I'll tell you about my trip to the gym. As most of you know I enjoy a good half hour to an hour of not exercising so when I go to the G-Y-M I need to make it count. So I wore my fancy new NIKE (namedropper) gear and headed straight to the tread-mills. They were too crowded, which means there wasn't one available all by itself in an empty room which is how I prefer to sweat while my ladies (boobs) hurt from gravity. fuckin gravity. So I'm like, "hey! I'll sit and peddle, that'll be easy I bet I can do that for HOURS!"
..7 mintues later I trick myself into thinking I'm in Yoga class shape.
I'd like to say something about men who are super good at yoga. You're creepy. I'm never in my yoga class and saying "Wow look at the position that guy got his leg into...his knee is touching his forehead while he's balancing on one arm! I HEAR WEDDING BELLS!"
Gross, a LEAN MEAN YOGA MACHI- nope, doesn't work, you're limber like a lady and I ain't into that. And sorry if there are women who are, you might be a lady liker...just think about it you might realize something about yourself.Moral: I should go to the gym/write this blog more. It benefits everyone. Because the better I look, the better I look, and the better I look, the famouser (notaword) I'll be.
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